Feelings of worthlessness are entirely subjective. They are all in the mind. They have no basis in reality. They do not constitute a problem that requires “fixing”, and you can choose to stop feeling worthless simply by opening your mind.
- Feeling worthless is a safe option because it reduces the amount of pain you suffer when things go wrong. If you already know that you’re no good and that no one will fall in love with you, or give you a job, or even care enough to listen to you, then when a rejection wings its way towards you – which it certainly will because it happens to all of us – then you’re better prepared than most. You can say: “Ah ha, you can’t ruin my life because I already knew this was going to happen; I already knew that you didn’t really love me/want me/value me!”
- Feeling worthless is an easy option; if you’re worthless there’s no need to try to do well and succeed in the things that matter to you because there is simply no point. Also, if you act as if your opinions and your desires are all worthless then people leave you alone. If you say you have no remarkable skills or talents then there is no need to apply them. If you say that you are a useless, hopeless nobody then people will expect far less from you. And just maybe you could get lots of sympathy and perhaps even another person (on a white horse in shining armor) coming to your rescue to sort your life out for you.
Your self-esteem is more like a mosaic – made up of lots of little pieces, some of which can be damaged or missing to the detriment of the whole. You can make small improvements (baby steps, if you like) in one area, or in several areas at the same time. Either way, the overall mosaic will become more defined, stronger, and more appealing.
Self-esteem = doing well x feel good factor
Right at the beginning of this article I promised you a cure for worthlessness. Here it is, in three straightforward steps:
- Acknowledge your real value by writing a list of your strengths, attributes and the good things that you do each day. If you’ve taken the Ultimate Self-esteem Test, then refer to your Self-esteem Profile and the Self-help Programs recommended to you to remind yourself of both your strengths and the areas you still need to work on. Accept this list as your starting point.
- Make a commitment now to build your self-esteem and keep adding positive things to your life every day and find it within yourself to eliminate things from the negative side. Do more smiling, share more kind thoughts and caring emotions, be curious, optimistic, and courageous, work hard and have fun. And reduce the time and energy you expend in whingeing, moaning, or feeling sorry for yourself.
- Be your own judge. You know yourself better than anyone and now that you’re an adult it is up to you to decide your worth and to attempt to live up to realistic expectations of yourself
works cited: Feeling Worthless by Alison Finch